Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
