Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
