Too much gin, very little bucket
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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