omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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