Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Randomize
