you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
