i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
