I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
