just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize