I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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