Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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