Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
