Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
