Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
