Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
