Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
