even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
