I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
