i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
