i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
