They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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