i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
