I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize