she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
