By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize