I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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