i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
