She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize