Swine flu. Run for my life!
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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