You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
