Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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