even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
