So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
