yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
