I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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