Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
