we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
