Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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