I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
