What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
