we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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