I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
