Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
