I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
