coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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