I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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