so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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