I hate all girls vehemently.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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