i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
