A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize