I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
