dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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