You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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