why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
you never un-have a 4some
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize