we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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