Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
