yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
