What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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