Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
