how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize