Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
