Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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