The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
