my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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