My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize