Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
