PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
