The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Bring me that man meat
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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