I like to think it a success when the cops are called
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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