it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
