I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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