FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My balls are so social today.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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