God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
