Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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