Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
