Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
