I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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