I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
