You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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