I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
