I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
