I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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