his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
