I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
