thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i came on her dog
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
