At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
