She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
