I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
