Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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